Tuesday, June 15th, 2010...2:52 pm
10 More Music Festival Survival Tips
It’s that time of the year when we swap the monotony of the daily grind for a few heady days of partying in a field with several thousand like-minded revellers. A liberating experience indeed, but one for which few are fully prepared.
For that reason, Know Your Money recently held a competition asking users for their best festival tips, and published the 10 awesome winning tips last week.
However, since we received hundreds of great entries (largely concerning bowel movements and hygiene matters) – and since the competition was such a close call – we thought it would be fitting to publish a few of the also-rans that, while perhaps not offering the soundest of advice, certainly make for entertaining reading – enjoy…
Stick to vegetarian food, not only does this help avoid a ruined weekend through food poisoning, but also cuts down on the amount of “solid matter” you’ll need to get rid of. Avoiding long drops is always pretty sweet.
Always go into a loo after a girl has used it – those are usually the cleanest ones!
Forget Pounds, dollars and Euros. The secret international currency of festivals is TOILET ROLL Take some, and you’ll be the most popular person on site.
Festival Virgin Advice: How To Avoid Being ‘That Guy’…
We all know ‘that guy’ – straight off the coach at the crack of dawn on Thursday morning he sees the crowd, the excitement bubbles in him like so much cheap Asti, and he can’t resist cracking something open. That’s fine – his anatomy has attained the state of polymer-based carbonite in advance of the trauma it is about to endure, and a tipple before the thing even starts is far from excessive. In fact, his friends may well join in with him. Why the heck not, equally carbonated subatomic titans, etcetera etcetera. The only difference is that they heard him on the bus saying: “Boy, I sure hope I’m not that guy who gets really wasted on the Thursday night before it even starts and ends up being carried back to his tent covered in his own offal” and, the insectoid hive-mind of the seasoned festivalgoer being what it is, they choose not to remind you to do what they all already know to do; to punctuate the frivolity with water and food. The end result? At nothing past midnight I was a vegetable, covered in my own offal, being carried back to my tent by a friend. Uh, I mean, you are a vegetable, covered in your own offal, being carried back to your tent by a friend.
When camping at a festival always make sure you are not camped near any Geordies, Scots or Scousers otherwise you could find yourself coming back to an empty tent…
Hi-vis jacket/vest and find a techy friend from whom you should borrow all the essential techy gear – steelies, tool belt, cables etc, Throw on a lanyard or two and even better a walkie talkie if you can get one and walk confidently with a world weary face/phrase such as “glad I’m being paid to be here – not enough mind” past security – 9 times out of 10 it’ll get you where you want to go, head for catering to eavesdrop for valuable information to aid your disguise. Minus points: set up effort; bonus points: seeing your fave bands up close and they tend to not mind signing things for crew!
I’m disabled, I use a wheelchair. I get to go in the “specials” section at festivals! So… break a leg beforehand and you’ll get your own little V.I.P section and a clean loo!
Win The Ladies
Take a little cousin, niece or nephew to watch one of those rubbish girl bands. Normally full of gorgeous screaming ladies, to get talking to someone you got your eye on, just tell them you wanted to see someone else but brought your little one to watch these instead. They will be so impressed and you will instantly go to the top of their hit list.
Don’t Tell The Missus
Don’t ever, ever, ever tell your wife you are going to Glastonbury with your mates instead of her.
The Best Festival Ever?
Don’t go! Spend the money on downloading music YOU like to your MP3 player – but keep enough back to buy a crate of your favourite beer. Chill out on the sofa and let the other idiots plough through the mud and crowds.
Thanks to the entrants who wrote the tips above. Feel free to share your festival experiences in the comments thread below…