Thursday, February 25th, 2010...12:16 pm
10 Female Cartoon Characters You Wish Were Real
By Daniel R Deakin
If you have fantasies over a particular cartoon character, it’s probably time to start taking your medication again. However, it is not unreasonable to say that certain female cartoon characters have an alluring charm to them that can make someone wonder what they would be like if they were real. If you think like that, you REALLY should start taking your medication again. However, until you can find a child to remove the childproof cap from your bottle of crazy person pills, here is a list of 10 female cartoon characters you wish were real.
Lois Griffin (Family Guy)
Not Marge Simpson shock! If you prefer the fairer sex to be bright yellow and have skyscraper tall blue hair, then Marge is the gal for you. But if you prefer brassy redheads who laugh like a Victorian streetwalker from the East End of London (in other words… dirty) and are quite willing to sleep with incredibly stupid fat men (hurray!) then Lois is the lady for you.
Lois is one of the ultimate animated babes. She is quite happy to flaunt her body, play lurid sex games, get drunk or stoned and still always manages to look after her considerably selfish family and fight off the advances of a horny dog (Brian… and Quagmire).
Penelope Pitstop (Wacky Races, The Perils of Penelope Pitstop)
One of the paradigms of a damsel in distress, this southern blonde bombshell often cried out “help” in honeyed tones that never failed to attract the attention of her quixotic rescuers. Even though she was constantly stalked by either Dick Dastardly or the Hooded Claw, this resourceful heroine never finished a show with a hair out of place. The sort of animated character you could introduce to your mother.
Liane Marie Cartman (South Park)
The quiet dirty one. Liane Cartman has an awful son, Eric. He is loud, obnoxious and demanding, but she deals with it all by indulging in her pastime of random and casual sex (although she has been less promiscuous in recent seasons). Liane is possible the kinkiest character on the list, she has been known to get up to some rather “open-minded” activities in the past. It has been revealed that she is also intersexual and is actually Cartman’s father. Yes it is confusing and disturbing, but who doesn’t want to take a walk on the wild side now and again?
Wilma Pebble Slaghoople Flintstone (The Flintstones)
It’s always Betty Rubble that gets the kudos in The Flintstones. She is the pretty giggling one whilst Wilma is the harpy boxing poor old Fred’s ears again. But the truth is Wilma is a fire-haired fox in a similar vein to Lois Griffin. She easily tolerates a gruff and insensitive macho type whilst running a home and family. And she does all this wearing nothing but a fetching fur cloth with a skirt so short you can see her smile.
Maude Flanders (The Simpsons)
Although Ned’s dutiful wife has passed on, it isn’t just Homer who remembers her with fondness and desire. Maude was the hot mother in the show, forget Marge, Maude was the one to watch. All the men in Springfield felt a pinch of lust for the Bible-loving beauty, but her affections were only for Neddy, Rod & Todd and of course, to her faith. The one woman who could have potentially split Homer and Marge up… well her and Lurleen Lumpkin… and Mindy Simmons… and Amber Pigal Simpson…
Turanga Leela (Futurama)
Proof that being a one-eyed alien (although later revealed she is actually a mutant) does not prevent a cartoon character from being attractive, sensual and desirable to the male characters of Futurama. Although Leela does have a huge single eye, which she cleverly tries to make less conspicuous by brushing her purple hair over it, she also is extremely intelligent, hard-working and has a body to die for. Literally… many men try to get closer to her body and she has no problem with making them nearly die for it.
Smurfette (The Smurfs)
It is important to make a distinction between the first generation Smurfette and the second generation Smurfette. The first one basically looked like a regular smurf but had bushy black hair and possibly the hint of a moustache. The second generation Smurfette was much more feminine, with her long blonde hair, fluttering eyelashes, flowery dresses and high heels. She took the Female Smurf Rights Movement backwards 100 years.
Daphne Blake (Scooby-Doo)
Another flame-haired temptress! Ginger people face so much unfair abuse in real life society, but in animated shows they are the paragons of beauty and popularity. Daphne is the typical scream teen that appears in so many slasher flicks, but she always manages to keep her sweater on and Fred’s hands off. She may appear initially as eye candy for Fred and Shaggy and as a latent lesbian symbol of bubble-headedness for Velma, but Daphne pulls her weight when it comes to catching ghosts, which is more than can be said for Shaggy, who is clearly paranoid due to significant substance abuse and Scooby, who has a disturbing compulsive need for Scooby snacks.
Francine Smith (American Dad)
The 40 year old faithful wife of a bumbling CIA agent and loving mother. Francine is the Cindy Crawford of the cartoon world. She nearly always looks impeccable, even when stressed out by a neurotic son, rebellious daughter, German fish and gender-confused alien. She shows incredible devotion to her lug of a husband Stan, who is often portrayed as one of the most intolerant people imaginable. Francine is funny, determined, hard-working and sexy… in a fictional animated character kind of way.
Jessica Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)
Gentlemen prefer blondes but animators prefer red-heads. The Angelina Jolie of animated women. Sexy, demanding and commanding, with a hint of fearlessness. Jessica Rabbit is clearly the most provocative and sensual creation of an animator’s fevered mind. With legs as long as a Burmese python and a bosom that defies gravity, Jessica Rabbit has no problem in using what the artists gave her to get her way. Frankly, she makes Holli Would (the Kim Basinger femme fatale from Cool World) look like the female shot putters who used to compete for East Germany at the 1980 Olympics.