Thursday, April 9th, 2009...1:29 pm
Ferraris Are Rubbish (And Here Are 7 Reasons Why)
Share this:
We all love a good supercar wreckage, don’t we? Just how we all love to compare car insurance. There’s just something about seeing a car worth an extortionate amount of money smashed into bits at the hands of incompetent drivers. We take delight in the schadenfreude we experience when yet another vehicle that costs as much as a house meets its untimely demise, an occurrence that seems to befall the popular Ferrari brand more so than others, or is at least a widely-reported event when it happens. Here’s a list of seven reasons to maybe run for your life as you see a Ferrari coming.
A baseball coach in Oklahoma though it would be a brilliant idea to lend two Ferraris (apparently he could afford them, as he was a retired neurosurgeon with cheap car insurance) to a bunch of kids from the high school that he was coaching at. Unsurprisingly, it ended up with them trying to park in the same space and without being able to bend space or time, they crashed into each other (so I hope the coach had thought to compare the market. It would be pleasing to report that the coach then had them flayed alive whilst playing really bad German techno, but all the coach did when he showed up at the scene was light a cigarette and comment that “it’s gonna take a lot of homeruns to cover this one up”.
This Ferrari was found on the expressway that connects some provinces in the Philippines. Apparently the particular model of Ferrari the car was (the F430), happened to be prone to a particularly unpleasant engine overheating flaw which would – on occasion – cause a fire in the engine, thus destroying the car (leading to some rather confused insurance people). I’d like to see Marty McFly skate behind THAT. The fool.
Renowned footballing idiot Cristiano Ronaldo thought it’d be hilarious to crash his Ferrari after only owning it for two days, possibly because he just didn’t care, as he’d earn enough for another one in the few seconds it took to walk away from the wreckage and making that ridiculous gesture at the camera, while someone called RAC breakdown or green flag breakdown for him.
Whilst filming for the movie Redline, actor Eddie Griffin decided to try his hand at driving a Ferrari Enzo. Unfortunately for him, his hand wasn’t nearly steady enough and the car smashed right into a wall, much to the disappointment of Jackie Chan. As the car wasn’t his, it seems that Griffin doesn’t really give a damn, so let’s just hope that the actual owner has some damn good insurance like Churchill car insurance or direct line car insurance.
People seem to be determined to crash their Enzos for some reason. Maybe they elicit a certain feeling of satisfaction from the driver as they crumple into useless heaps of scrap? This time, Russian billionaire Suleyman Kerimov had a go at crashing his Enzo into a tree as he attempted to overtake another car, failing miserably.
Charles Lewis, Jr. also known as “Mask” and founder of the TapouT clothing line was fatally injured when his Ferrari collided with a Porsche and then proceeded to hit the curb only to be cut in half by a light pole.
Yet another Enzo was wrecked (jeez, let’s hope they compare car insurance and get some cheap car insurance before hitting the roads) in the famous 2006 crash that took place in Malibu and involved Gizmondo exec Stefan Eriksson. Essentially, Eriksson claimed that a man known only as “Dietrich” was driving the car at the time, as it raced alongside a Mercedes, flew off an embankment, and was completely cut in half and smashed into tiny pieces which were then scattered all over the road.
13 Comments
April 9th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
where the fck are your 7 reasons?
they don’t exist, and you fail.
April 9th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Surprised that the Danny Heatly Ferrari crash isn’t in here. Then again hockey isn’t really followed in the UK..
April 9th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
That’s because there are more Ferraris than all other supercars added together, and they’re also the favorite vehicle choice of morons. Of course they’re gonna crash more.
April 9th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
It should be noted that the driver of the Porsche that collided with Charles Lewis Jr’s Ferrari was charged with hit and run, driving under the influence and manslaughter. No indication of how fast they were going, or whether they were racing or not, but it doesn’t appear Chuck was at fault. His passenger was ejected and survived with minor injuries.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Read this with absolutely flared nostrils and filled with delightful, absolutely delightful schadenfreude. Please do one with Corvettes, then Porches, please, please please! How ’bout a special including Bentleys and Rolls? Fabulous! Do it! Do it , Do it!
April 9th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
This list has nothing to do with the quality of the cars whatsoever.
April 9th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
I am confused about your use of the word schadenfreude. Doesn’t it mean “encompass the viewer in a full artistic experience”? As in, an artist displays a work of art, lets say, a painting. To create the shadenfreude, the artist would have to craft the experience around all the senses, not just looking at this painting; the artist would create the temple or church around it, craft the smells, and compose music for the piece.
Just wondering, fun article though.
April 9th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Maybe, just maybe Ferrari’s are totally awesome and its the freakin’ morons that can afford to buy them are rubbish. Spending a bunch of money on a car doesn’t magically bestow driving skills on the owner. Aside from that I agree with the other guy: show other exotics all bent out of shape.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Apparently, there IS a God of justice.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
well alls good and well.. but mask died, you could of at least read the wiki you so eloquently linked to.
April 11th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Anybody who buys a car for anything more than a method of transportation is compensating for something. I’m not gonna get into specifics or anything, I’m just sayin’.
April 12th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
…and I’m pretty sure Pontiacs and Ford Focuses NEVER ever crashes. They’re the safest cars on earth!
April 27th, 2011 at 11:04 am
With the amount of accidents increasing. People should always be ready with some good insurance policies as it is the only saving grace for them, like Admiral Car Insurance or Quinn Car Insurance are some good options for cheap and good car insurance.
Leave a Reply