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We all like to bitch about the rubbishness of games based on movies, and with good reason: in order to make a quick buck, idea-deficient developers seem to have a conveyor-belt of mediocrity that turns every crappy Hollywood blockbuster into an equally crappy (or even crappier) video game.

In the futile hope that my wishes will be made reality, I want to draw attention to some truly awesome movies that deserve to be made into truly awesome games. So clear your mind of the inevitable crapfests of Wanted: Weapons of Fate, Wolverine: Origins and other forthcoming movie games and check out these chunks of prospective brilliance (listed in order of potential awesomeness)…

10. Tremors (1990)

This was actually on the cards a few years ago but was sadly cancelled. Unfortunately, I’m not quite sure how a whole game based around “underground goddamn monsters” would work exactly, which is why it languishes here at the bottom of the list. It would probably have to be a third-person action game with some platforming elements to keep you off the ground and out of the Graboid’s reach.

I’m quite certain, however, that it must have: the choice of playing as Val or Earl, blue pick-up truck driving sections, dynamite, elephant guns, an ass that won’t quit and legs that go all the way up. Well, everything except those last two. That was just a poorly-shoehorned reference to the movie.

9. Serenity (2005)
Forget the long-delayed Firefly MMO which seems as ill-fated as the series it is to be based on, Joss Whedon’s big-screen outing is perfect material for a Mass Effect-style action-oriented RPG. Get Whedon onboard for writing duties and the original cast reprising their roles and awesomeness would be gorram guaranteed.

8. Planet Terror (2007)
This one doesn’t need much justification since Planet Terror’s video game credentials are readily apparent: a kick-arse selection of entertaining expendable characters, an assortment of vehicles, loads of over-the-top weapons, plenty of cannon-fodder bad guys, tongue-in-cheek b-movie sensibilities and a beautiful, machine gun-legged protagonist. A chimp could turn this into a decent game.

7. Equilibrium (2002)
Equilibrium’s inclusion on this list is down to one reason: Gun Kata – a highly improbable but improbably-awesome gun-based martial arts system that maximises a person’s shooting potential whilst minimising their chances of being shot. Invented by the movie’s director, Kurt Wimmer, this unique and visually-impressive ingredient elevates what is essentially a bog-standard chunk of dystopian waffle to somewhere near the realms of awesomeness, and it could easily do the same for a video game if the Gun Kata mechanics were well implemented. At least it would make a change from the various Bullet Time rip-offs that appear in many modern shooters.

Given Gun Kata’s high degree of arm-flailing this could work nicely as a Wii game; although its success would then come down to the movie’s popularity among housewives and 6-year-olds.

6. Predator (1987)
None of this AvP crap. Let’s have a game based on the original Arnie movie set within a huge and varied jungle environment filled with enemy encampments, lush vegetation, massive waterfalls, skinned CIA agents and, erm, vines you can drink from.

Though a single-player campaign could roughly follow the film’s plot – early missions centred around assaults on a guerrilla stronghold, hostage rescues etc, with a steadily increasing predator presence leading to a huge showdown with the extra-terrestrial “ugly motherf***er” – I see the meat of this game being played out in an online squad-based multiplayer in which Dutch and his Special Forces team are pitted against a player-controlled Predator. Arguments over who gets to be Blaine and use the mini-cannon-cum-uber-garden-strimmer, Ol’ Painless, would surely ensue.

5. The Mist (2007)
The single location and eponymous visual shroud of Frank Darabont’s Stephen King adaptation do not make for a rich and varied gaming experience. However, there is one element of the movie that is a veritable goldmine of video game awesomeness: the abundance and diversity of pant-shittingly scary monsters.

Therefore, deviating slightly, I envision a game set just after the events of the movie in which players take control of US army personnel sent in to mop up after the receding mist. Taking cues from the insanely excellent Earth Defense Force – a series which wears its b-movie colours as proudly as The Mist – players face swarming monsters of increasing ferocity and size in various rural and urban US settings with one simple mission: kill the crap out of them. Cheesy dialogue, big guns and overwhelming hordes of huge creatures. Awesome.

4. Mad Max Trilogy (1979, 1981 & 1985)
Just before going to press I discovered that the oft-rumoured game based on the Mad Max world was confirmed recently by the movies’ director George Miller. But since this version will feature a new storyline and mine is based on the original movies I’m sticking it in here anyway.

As the taciturn badass, players drive around an open-world dystopian outback, scavenging fuel, car parts and weapons. Huge car chases and frenetic vehicle-based battles will be par for the course as well as sieges on enemy encampments, gyrocopters and loads of other good stuff. Inclusion of major action scenes from all three films is not entirely necessary as long as the amazing fuel tanker chase from Mad Max 2 (that’s The Road Warrior for you in the US) is present.

3. Escape from New York (1981)
Players take control of modern cinema’s most awesomely-named character, Snake Plissken, dumped into a fully-explorable futuristic New York maximum security prison hellhole (it’s actually meant to be 1997, so not that futuristic) and armed to the teeth with cutting edge 1980s weaponry you have to find the President and get him back to safe ground.

It would work perfectly as an atmospheric FPS, with stealthy bits and tense shootouts; until you actually find the president – then he’d probably be some annoyingly suicidal computer-controlled character who ignores your orders and ends up like JFK every time there’s a firefight.

2. Army of Darkness (1992)
Before Sam Raimi became Hollywood’s bitch he made Army of Darkness, a film of unparalleled awesomeness in which the chinny legend Bruce Campbell is transported back through time to fight an army of the dead in medieval England. Don’t be put off by the movie’s high-minded allegorical deconstruction of the first Gulf War (Ash = US, Bad Ash = Saddam – discuss) for underneath lies a rollicking tongue-in-cheek adventure drawing on sources ranging from Mark Twain to the Three Stooges. Basically, it’s got everything. Plus a hero with a chainsaw for a hand. One of the finest movies ever made (this is an incontrovertible fact, accept it).

Anyway, forget previous games bearing the Evil Dead name, we need – nay, deserve – a fully-fledged AoD game. It would be part Fable with plenty of horseback roaming, carrying out quests for King Arthur/Henry the Red and gathering followers etc, but with a more horror-oriented hack’n’slash focus.

Progressing through the plot quests, one mission would cover Ash’s disastrous attempt to acquire the Necrinomicon, consequently plunging the land into darkness and awakening the Deadites. Hopefully players will have upgraded their shotgun and chainsaw sufficiently to deal out a large dose of quip-filled arse-kicking in the final epic battle as Arthur’s castle is besieged by the Deadite legions.

Groovy.

1. Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Would John Carpenter’s absurdly enjoyable culture-clash b-movie adventure make the best video game adaptation ever? Well, let’s consider the facts:

First, it’s got an effortlessly engaging protagonist to control in Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton – a character, much like Bruce Campbell’s Ash, whose all-American action-hero persona combines ignorance and arrogance to satirical perfection. Plus a selection of endearing secondary characters to interact with including the idealistic Wang, the ever-inquisitive Gracie and the squinty, oddball sorcerer Egg Shen.

Second, it has a great assortment of eccentric baddies: the Three Storms (ready-made end-of-level bosses), the eyeball creature and the sewer monster as well as freaky badass Lo-Pan and his countless low-level minions.

Third, many of the movie’s myriad action scenes could be directly translated into set pieces: the brothel rescue, the claustrophobic alleyway gang battle, the escape from the underground lair and the epic, acrobatic showdown at the garish wedding ceremony.

And finally, the movie features a weapon set that would ensure plenty of` gameplay variety: swords, hatchets, axes, machine guns, shotguns, magic – the list is endless.

Answer: yeah, probably.

If you’ve got any awesome movie game suggestions that you think we should compare then let us know.